Validating your child’s feelings and supporting behaviour
When children are facing stress—like a parent’s illness, changes at home, or big emotions—they may not have the words to express how they feel. Instead, they often ‘show’ their feelings through behaviour. This guide helps parents understand how to validate emotions and respond to behaviour in a way that supports healing.
Why Emotional Validation Matters
- Validation means helping your child feel seen, heard, and understood.
- When children feel accepted in their emotions, they’re more likely to regulate themselves over time.
- Validation builds trust and safety—it doesn’t mean you agree with their behaviour, just that you understand their feelings.
How to Validate Feelings
- Pause and notice what they’re feeling: sad, worried, angry, confused.
- Name the emotion: “It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated.”
- Acknowledge it without fixing: “That makes sense. It’s hard when plans change.”
- Avoid dismissing with ‘You’re okay’ or ‘Don’t cry’—instead try, “I’m here. Let’s get through this together.”
Behaviour is Communication
- Behind every outburst, refusal or clinginess is an unmet need or emotion.
- Ask yourself: What might my child be trying to tell me through this behaviour?
- Use curiosity, not criticism: “I wonder if you’re feeling worried about school today?”
Responding Positively
- Stay calm and connected. The goal is to guide, not punish.
- Set clear boundaries with kindness: “It’s okay to feel angry. It’s not okay to hit. Let’s stomp our feet instead.”
- Teach and model better ways to cope—deep breathing, squeezing a pillow, using a feelings chart.
- Offer choices to restore control: “Would you like to brush your teeth before or after reading?”
When Emotions Run High
- Take a short pause if you need one—your regulation helps theirs.
- Use few words and soft tone during meltdowns. Later, revisit the moment with reflection: “That was a hard afternoon. Want to talk about it now?”
- Reconnect after conflict. Repair matters more than perfection.
Build Daily Emotional Safety
- Have regular check-ins: “What colour is your feelings thermometer today?”
- Create predictable routines—consistency lowers anxiety.
- Celebrate small wins. Notice efforts at regulation: “You took a deep breath when you were mad—great job!”
Children don’t need perfect parenting—they need present, attuned, compassionate adults. When we validate their feelings and guide their behaviour with calm, loving boundaries, we help them feel secure, understood, and more in control.